JisatsuJisetsu
by subaruxkamui4ever
Summary: SetoJoey yaoi. Under the pressure of hiding his relationship with Seto from everyone, Joey loses his way. A very short oneshot about a love behind closed doors, severe angst and character death. Just as sad as everything else I've written....


Jisatsu/Jisetsu

A SetoxJoey oneshot by subaruxkamui4ever

AN: Hello there. I have been "missing in action" as of late, and for that I do apologize, but it was for the good of the community. I have been single-handedly commanding the Puppyshipping armies, and it is a rather time consuming task. Although extremely fulfilling, I must say. This little thing which I present to you now is just a little thing I wanted to be rid of once and for all, hopefully. I'm sure it's still boring away at the back of my skull, but whatever. You can't win 'em all. Clear Vision is currently being hacked away at (translation: updated) but it's interestingly difficult to write, what with the insane amounts of drama and whatnot. Hear, hear. On with Les Words. Oh, and about the title, it does have a lot of meaning, but I didn't think you would care all that much. If you do want to know, you can ask me. I don't bite.

It seems almost funny, sometimes. Isn't it laughable, even now, as I literally watch the life slip from my ridiculous body, it goes so slowly now. Or perhaps it's me that goes so slowly. I don't know anymore, I am laughing far too much to see or hear anything at all. But it is just so hilarious. The silly idea that I was expected to wake up every single day after this one, knowing what I know and yet having to continue on as though nothing had ever happened. As if nothing would ever change. But it has changed, and no one can take that away from me, never again will I allow my heart to be stolen, or cast aside so carelessly with such heavy words. It is mine alone and He cannot rob me of it, I know He wants to, but I won't let Him.

Him? Seto Kaiba. And I am Joey. Or at least, I was until moments ago. I am dying now, so you might as well speak of me in the past tense. I wonder if I am dead now, or if this is just a strange passing vision. I've heard of death dreams, but this is worse than something like that could ever be. I feel alive. I feel as though I am not quite dead yet, which is far more terrifying than any death wrought nightmare could ever be. And now I see Him, He's found me as I knew He would. I think that I even expected Him to, I feel that He deserves to see His own handiwork. Some of that tenderness and care in action, or lack thereof. This creature I've become, it isn't right, but I am just as much to blame as He is. For in the same moments He was with me, I was with Him as well. He never forced me to do a thing, I always went willingly. But while He was in search of nothing at all, I was desperately seeking so much more than He or even I could ever dream of. Maybe I'm just a pathetic romantic at heart, but for some awful reason or another I began to feel as though He actually gave a damn about me, in some small way or another. How ridiculous.

Do you see what I meant? Isn't it funny, now that you know as well as I? Or maybe I've been taking myself too seriously as of late. Maybe I'm the one that is ridiculous. None of matters anyhow. The deed is done, there isn't anyway to go back now. All I have is time, and precious little at that. I look up at Him, standing above me in His way, and it seems to tell the whole tale in one aloof stance. He always was just above me. No matter how much it seemed like He cared, He always cared from above. And I always looked right back up to the sky, where He belonged. So much more than I could ever hope to be or have. And yet, I did have him. I had him so many times, it was as if the passion we shared would never be fully sated, the flames never ceasing to consume all that I was or am or ever would be. But people never say what they truly mean in bed.

"Joey? Jesus Christ, what the hell have you done?"

He looks unhappy, and well, He should be. His bedmate is dying before Him, and He has the nerve to look unbelievably angry about it. Well, I suppose He is coming to the realization that He'll have to find another convenient lay. It's a shame. I can see Him very clearly, although everything else surrounding Him is a slightly shattered tunnel of vision. I grin widely from my place nearly under His feet, I'm still lying on the dirt where I've been for quite awhile now.

"Seto….? I'm…I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore. This secret…It's eating me inside, killing me….can't you see?"

"Oh, Joey…"

There are so many trees surrounding us, no one will pass. No one will come to rescue me, save Seto, of course. But that's only due to the fact that this place has been a secret meeting spot for the two of us, for some time now. He knew He could find me here, and I knew it just the same. It might have been the reason I chose to end this here, but that's neither here nor there. In a sense. I didn't want anyone to rescue me, but now as I consider what I have done, I think that perhaps I only wanted one person to rescue me. And now I have what I wanted, but now I am going to die. If I'm not dead already, that is.

Seto kneels beside me slowly and does nothing but stare, horrified at the mere sight of me. I must look terrible, and I cast my eyes downward in shame. I never wanted Him to see me like this. I love Him. I never wanted to hurt Him, but I know I have all the same. I'm taking myself away from Him, and I know deep down that it will hurt Him, but I cannot do this….thing that we have been doing. This sick and depressing game of tag, a vile and soul shattering hide and seek that leaves me a broken and lonely corpse. Or at least, it will in a matter of minutes.

And then He does something that even I do not expect. He drops even further, and now instead of kneeling in the dirt and filth that surrounds me He makes Himself a part of it fully, sitting on the ground beside me. Reaching out, He takes my body which I can no longer control and pulls it to Him, and He holds me as close as He can, gripping me in such a way that I never knew before. We are so close to one another, and even though we have slept together countless times, none of those memories are a match to the sense of completion I feel right now, in this second. He is so silent now, I can feel and hear Him breathe and it takes up all of my senses at once, filling me with a part of Him that I never thought was real or tangible, just a silly dream from the silly hopes of a silly boy, lost in a romantic fantasy that never was. His breath comes more shakily now, and in a sharply uneven pace, and if I could have, I would have glanced upward into His eyes to see the truth of His change. But I didn't need to. I know He is crying. I think that I am crying too.

"God, you're so stupid! You never think before you do anything! Have I treated you so badly, is this mine? Is this my fault? Answer me!"

He never moves once, never loosens His grip for a single second, but He is screaming at me nonetheless. I can't answer Him, the strength I knew seconds earlier has passed on, and I am soon to follow. I can only feel this misery alongside Him. I wish I could tell Him that it wasn't Him. It was always me. I don't know why this had to happen before I could finally see that. Everything that keeps me alive is leaving. All that I am is falling away, so quickly it spills out and stains His beautiful and unstained self, it's all over His clothes and His hands, leaving a terrible mess across His life and soul. I wonder if He'll ever come back to this place, now that I can't be here to greet Him when he arrives. Maybe I can. Perhaps I can stay here forever, in our secret spot, waiting for all time for Him to return, even long after He has been taken away by Time. I make up my mind in that second to stay with Him. Perhaps in that way, I can right the awful wrong I've done to Him. I can spend eternity making it up, no matter how long eternity truly is. There is no such thing as Forever.

"Seto…."

It takes all of what I have left to speak to Him, but I need to say this. He'll never understand otherwise. Pulling His head away from mine so He can see into my eyes, He blinks away a stray droplet and waits intently, for whatever I might have to say.

"I'll….be right here. I'm waiting for you…."

A very strange and sudden sensation has begun to stir in my heart, and I have to go. I have to leave this body now. I smile slowly at Him and His eyes hold a sense of panic, He knows as well, it must be obvious. I'm not sure why I am smiling, because I am so very lonely already, and I haven't even left Him yet. I think that I am smiling for Him. Everything I do is for Him. It has always been that way, and I don't see why in death I should do any different. Regardless of how things have been up until now, I have always loved Him. He ignored me, and He never once said a single thing to me other than to insult or belittle me. He treated me so awfully that I couldn't stand it, I loved Him so much and it seemed as if He hated me more than He hated anything else in the world. He refused to let me tell anyone about us, afraid for His reputation, his dignity. But none of that means a thing. I love Him more than Life itself. So I leave it behind.

"Meet me in our secret spot….

I'll be here…..waiting for you."

I wonder if this will really work. It's all I have left, and I've done all that I can. He shakes His head as if to defy Death itself, only Seto Kaiba would have the nerve to believe it would be worth a try. So defiant, in the face of anything at all. So easy to fall in love with. I thought that someday, we would be together forever, that it would all work out in the end. But there is no such thing as forever.

AN: My girlfriend said I should try writing humor. This is what happened. Oh, the angst. It's all I have inside….. Isn't that awful? This is my attempt at funny! Not that I think this is funny, but seriously! My mind says NO to comedy evidently. Which is really strange, because all I ever watch on TV is stand-up. I guess I'm just not cut out for the funny. Well, tell me if you liked it, if you want to. If you don't then don't, it still won't be funny…..


End file.
